Drive-by, self-serving post

By Don Keith N4KC

On the run these days, finishing up the editing process on my next book...and one about which I am extremely excited.  I'll have more on that--what I consider to be an IMPORTANT book, and especially for this particular year in Birmingham, Alabama--later.

For now, I just wanted to invite you all to take a listen to my interview about the ham radio book, RIDING THE SHORTWAVES: EXPLORING THE MAGIC OF AMATEUR RADIO, that is now available for listening or as a podcast download.  It was conducted by Hap Holly KC9RP for "The Radio Amateur Information Network."

Hap did a good job, though to edit down my loud mouth to a 20-minute show required that it sounds like I never take a breath!  (BTW, Hap is a remarkable guy who has overcome a disability to do wonderful things.  Read his bio on the site.)

I also promise I will talk a bit more about my trip coming up soon to the world's largest amateur radio gathering, the Hamvention in Dayton, Ohio.  I will be doing signing events for the ham radio book and some of the other ones as well.  Plus I will get a chance to see up close some of the changing technology that will be affecting our hobby...and lots of other aspects of our lives.

Now, back to editing that new book!

Would-be Howard Stern jocks hit new low

By Don Keith N4KC

In yet another attempt by a team of morning radio hosts to attract audiences by shocking them to a greater extent than others like them who are trying to do the same thing, a new low may have been achieved.  Here is an excerpt from one trade publication:

ENTERCOM Active Rock KRXQ (98 ROCK)/SACRAMENTO has pulled locally-based syndicated  morning show ROB, ARNIE AND DAWN off the air for the rest of the week after they aired a bit WEDNESDAY (4/17) in which the hosts spoke about making a "top 5" list of reasons to hate BOSTON.

The hiatus follows criticism from crosstown CBS RADIO Sports KHTK-A (CBS SPORTS RADIO 1140)/SACRAMENTO morning host DON GERONIMO, who ripped the trio for the bit and for spending some of TUESDAY's show asking whether it was too soon to joke about BOSTON.

While 98 ROCK stuck with music in the show's absence, GERONIMO opened THURSDAY's show by playing clips of WEDNESDAY's ROB, ARNIE AND DAWN show, including joking about the "top 5 list" (with ROB saying that "that's how we express our solidarity with the people of BOSTON" and adding that he'd never been to BOSTON, and ARNIE claiming he could come up with nine things), discussing how a man whose legs were blown off while watching his girlfriend run could "hold that over her head forever," and asking whether it was too soon for jokes about BOSTON (with one of the three saying "no" while DAWN said "yes").

The hosts were also heard criticizing the NEW YORK YANKEES for playing "Sweet Caroline" ("that's disgusting") and OAKLAND A's fans for chanting "let's go BOSTON" in support of the stricken city (ROB saying "I'd have been standing with my hands in my pockets saying 'really?'") and PHILLIES centerfielder BEN REVERE for taping the words "Pray for BOSTON" on his glove.

Of course, the accused morning show team--on their web site-- defended their garbage-like attempt at humor and, instead, attacked the guy at the sports-talk station who took them to task in the first place.  They say, "The Nature (sic) of our show demands honest, noble, and real discussions and, at times, irreverence."  I guess I'm missing the "noble" part of this mess.

Ever since Howard Stern gained fame and fortune as a so-called "shock jock," others have been trying to do the same.  The only difference is that Stern is a talented man who actually knows what he can do, what is funny, and what is out of bounds.  Others--I dub them "amateurs" but they are most certainly not to be confused with "amateur radio operator" hobbyists--decidedly don't.

Chalk it up to desperation.  Stations put people on the air who try to be funny and topical, all to attract people who are either keeping a listening diary or carrying a personal people meter for Arbitron...individuals who will each statistically represent several thousand other people in their communities.  What they end up with are talent-less wannabes who are insulting, crass and embarrassing.  

I haven't heard this particular show.  And yet, I have.  I'd bet it sounds like so many others of the same ilk.  And very little like Howard Stern.

Sometimes such programming works.  If enough diary-keepers/PPM-toters get the word that, "Hey, you ought to hear what those jerks over on 98 Rock just said about Boston," then they get a temporary ratings spike.  It only takes a few Arbitron reporters to make a difference.  But don't the radio station programmers, personalities, and owners realize that spike is only temporary?  The morning team either goes bland and boring to cut down on the controversy and keep their jobs or they have to get even farther out there, becoming even more disgusting to try to hit a new level of "shock" and keep their "edge."  That's because they don't know how to be topical and funny any other way.  (Note that I see the same thing in TV shows, movies, and stand-up comedy.  I'm no prude.  I have no issues with pushing the envelope.  But crass-for-crass's-sake is not entertaining, nor is it taking the art form to any new, exciting places.  I enjoy Louis CK, Daniel Tosh, the "Bachelor Party" movies, and the like.)

Regardless, neither route is good for listeners and the sponsors who pay the bills.  

And it damn sure is not good for the medium of radio.

News release

N4KC PUBLISHES AMATEUR RADIO BOOK, NOW AVAILABLE

IN ALL E-BOOK FORMATS

Don Keith N4KC is not only a long-time and active amateur radio operator.  He is also a prolific best-selling and award-winning author with more than 26 published books to his credit.  His latest novel, FIRING POINT, a submarine thriller, has been optioned for and is in pre-production as a major motion picture and his next book, a stirring biography of one of the key players in the 1963 civil rights movement in Birmingham, Alabama, will be published in September 2013.

Keith also recently published a book about his hobby of choice, ham radio.  RIDING THE SHORTWAVES: EXPLORING THE MAGIC OF AMATEUR RADIO includes material of special interest to newcomers, including easy-to-understand chapters on antennas, choosing a first station, and a tour of the amateur radio high-frequency bands.  There are also short fictional and satirical pieces that use humor or drama to show the various facets of the hobby.  The book counters the notion that Facebook, the web, Twitter, smart phones and other new technology have made amateur radio obsolete.  On the contrary, the author maintains, in its 100^th year, the hobby is more vibrant and exciting than ever.

“I aimed the book at four different groups,” N4KC says.  “First are those who have an interest in learning more about getting into the hobby.  Second are those who are recently licensed and wondering which direction they want to go.  I also wanted to talk to folks who may have gotten a license a while ago but either never got serious or have lost the spark somehow.  And finally, I saw the need for a book that old-timers would not only enjoy reading but could use to pass along to others and do a little evangelizing about the hobby to friends and family.”

For those who truly want to help spread the word about ham radio, “Explore the Magic” and “Ride the Shortwaves” apparel and other items are available online at www.cafepress.com/shortwaves.

In its review of RIDING THE SHORTWAVES, QST Magazine calls the book, "...entertaining and informative...eminently readable by youth or adult, it covers the waterfront from why amateur radio, at 100 years of age, remains fun and relevant...and more to the point, what you need to enjoy and explore ham radio's magic."

The book has been available as a traditional paperback at all traditional and online booksellers (including the American Radio Relay League’s online bookstore) and as an e-book for Kindle users.  Now, it is also available in a digital edition for all e-reading devices, including Nook, Apple iPad, and Adobe Digital Editions, as well as in various formats for reading directly on computer screens.  Keith is also happy to give permission to ham radio clubs to excerpt a chapter of the book for inclusion in their newsletters.  Contact N4KC at don@donkeith.com to request the okay to re-print.

For more on RIDING THE SHORTWAVES, visit:

 http://www.donkeith.com/index.php?p=24

or http://www.n4kc.com.

NOTE: Don Keith N4KC will be signing RIDING THE SHORTWAVES at the Dayton Hamvention.  He will be at the QRP ARCI “Four Days in May” event hotel, the Holiday Inn in Fairborn, OH, on Thursday, May 16, during the day.  Then he will be in the ARRL booth at times to be determined.  The book will be available for sale at the League’s booth throughout Hamvention.  Visit http://www.donkeith.com/index.php?p=4 for updates.

# # #

Books and e-readers and coffee mugs

by Don Keith N4KC

So, using modern technology, I am now a web entrepreneur.  Here's the path that has led me on this wayward journey into online capitalism:

A while back, I compiled some of the amateur radio articles I had written for the web site eHam.net and my own amateur radio web site and added quite a few more into a book I titled "Riding the Shortwaves: Exploring the Magic of Amateur Radio."  I believed (and have now had it confirmed) that there is a need for a book such as this one.  I talk about how the hobby--once thought obsolete in the face of the web, smart phones, Facebook, Twitter and the like--is not yet comatose.  In fact, amateur radio is enjoying a healthy boom, with more people licensed now than ever before, and lots of interest in combining modern technology with a hobby that actually led the way for commercial broadcasting, satellites, computers, and much of the modern tech stuff that is theoretically killing it.

Well, the truth is that most publishers have little interest in a book like this one.  Not even the American Radio Relay League, the amateur radio national organization.  They prefer only doing more technical books.  (I understand and am happy to report that they have ordered and sold a number of copies of my book in their online bookstore.  Thank you ARRL!  And they have invited me to do a "meet the author" event in May at the world's largest ham radio convention in Dayton, Ohio.  Thank you again, ARRL!)

As I have done with some other of my out-of-print and couldn't-find-a-publishing-home books, I published it myself as a traditional paperback through Amazon's CreateSpace service, which puts it on Amazon.com and also means it is available through just about all online booksellers.  It can also be ordered through the major book distributors by any bookstore or library.  Way cool!

OK, that takes care of the traditional paper book.  It's easily available if somebody wants to buy it.  But as you all know, e-books are rapidly taking over, with theoretically more digital copies of books being sold nowadays than paper.  Well, I also made "Riding the Shortwaves" available as an e-book through Kindle Direct Publishing.  The only drawback is that you can only buy the e-book through Amazon.com and only for their Kindle and a few other e-readers.  (Yes, there are programs out there like Calibre that enables you to convert a book from one format to the other, but how many people want or know how to do that?)

Enter Smashwords.  These guys can take a book and make it available in a variety of formats, including for Kindle, Nook, Apple iPad, Adobe Digital Editions (a free download for computers and smart phones), and even as a RTF, PDF or text file for reading directly on computers.  They have the whole deal set up so they handle the money end of things.

I spent most of yesterday formatting "Riding the Shortwaves" for Smashwords uploading, and wow!  Within five minutes of uploading the file, it was converted and available for purchase in all those varied formats.  They are a bit picky and keep hounding me to make modification in my book so it can become part of their "Premium Catalog," but again, I understand.  They work with Apple and some other big boys and, as noted, convert to a bunch of different formats, so they have to make sure the book fits their criteria.  At any rate, it is there and can now be purchased by anyone, regardless what device they use to read it.

So that gave me another thought.  Part of the idea of the book is to be evangelical about our hobby of ham radio.  What better way to show our excitement than with some premium items, based on the message of "Riding the Shortwaves."  So hello Cafe Press!

Yes, I know.  These guys have been around for a while, but it really is easy to set up a store and offer merchandise with logos, messages, or whatever.  Frankly, I couldn't even go and have stuff made just for me to wear as inexpensively as these guys do it.  The prices are just a tad high for most items, but I ordered some things before advertising them to make sure the quality was there.  It was!  The logos and screen print look fine and the clothing items I ordered for myself are first-rate.

Do I want to be in the tee shirt biz?  No!  I'm a writer.  But today, if you are a writer who wants to be read, you have to be your own promoter and publicist, too.  And if I can have people walking around at the big hamfests with my book cover and web site on their backs, and if we can all help promote ham radio, then I'm all for it.  Especially if I can do it at minimal cost and time.

And that is exactly what these types of vendors allow me to do.  Thank you, CreateSpace, Kindle Direct Publishing, Smashwords, and Cafe Press.  I hope this rapidly changing technology can continue to make things better for authors, publishers, readers, and whatever causes we all espouse.

Oh, and just for drill, here's the ad that is going up on my web site.  It will be fed by an animated GIF ad on the web site where some of the articles first appeared:

Move over eBay and Amazon!  I'm a web entrepreneur! 

OLD technology shows us a thing or two about NEW technology

By Don Keith N4KC

Leave it to a prime example of old technology to bring us an example of rapidly changing new technology.  Now don't get me wrong.  USA TODAY was pretty innovative in its time.  No one believed there could be a national daily printed newspaper that could include breaking news and sports updates from surprisingly late the night before...and do it with color!  But those guys did, and so far have been successful with it.  We'll see how long that lasts.

But that is not the subject of this post.  I just thought it was ironic that USA TODAY did an article and a video about how the car dashboard entertainment system is changing.  See it here:
http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/cars/2013/03/24/radio-future-pioneer-electronics/2009821/ 

This confirms what I have been preaching here for a long time.  When broadcast radio is minimized on the auto dashboard, it is in some serious trouble.  Yes, I know that AM/FM will still be a choice.  But unless traditional broadcasters start putting something on their air that can compete with all the other possibilities now available, people are going to be much less likely to hit that icon.

Eventually advertisers will notice that ratings (not shares...share of people listening to broadcast radio has been the Holy Grail of broadcasters when selling ads...ratings are the percentage of all people...shares will remain what they are but ratings will plummet) are dropping and will find more efficient ways of advertising.

The dashboard is traditional radio's last bastion.  It is in serious danger of falling.

Daily printed newspaper VS. digital editions

By Don Keith

Well, it has now been since October that I have discussed in this forum the major changes in my hometown's daily printed newspaper.  If it has not happened where you live, wait, it will.  I do hope the implementation is better for you.

What happened was THE BIRMINGHAM NEWS decided to stop publishing a daily "paper" newspaper.  We now get a thin bundle of newsprint thrown in our driveways (or, in my case, far beneath the crepe myrtle bush down a steep, ivy-covered embankment) three mornings a week--Wednesday (grocery ads), Friday (car ads), and Sunday (lots of inserts but not many other ads or classifieds anymore).

The same thing happened with co-owned papers in Mobile and Huntsville, both in Alabama, which are owned by the same folks.  We were promised much more in-depth coverage in those three editions while immediate news coverage would be handled by the commonly owned web site AL.COM.  Another part of the promise was that the site could be customized, would feature the same reporters and columnists from the old tree-killing paper, would provide video and audio, and would be much faster with updates.

OK, sounds good to me.  Now, how do I think they have done after half a year?  I should confess that one impetus for this post was a recent multi-column article in a Sunday edition.  It was written by Kevin Wendt, the "vice president of content" (lower case theirs) for Alabama Media Group, the company's name after all the changes.  The article was headlined, "An update on our progress."  How do they think they have done?  I can save you the trouble of looking it up.  The gist is "pretty damn good!"  Wendt writes, "Digital growth has been explosive, circulation exceeded our expectations, our commitment to quality journalism and serving our communities remains steadfast, and Alabama Media Group's first-quarter business performance met our objectives."

Hey, I am merely a subscriber, but I can only say, "Well, whoop-de-doo!"

Frankly, I see the printed edition dwindling in size.  I am apparently missing all that expanded content.  I know they furloughed just about anybody who had a pulse at THE BIRMINGHAM NEWS.  They are pooling coverage among the few remaining journalists at all three papers.  Then they are expected to not only write a story but blog and update incessantly.  All without benefit of editing, apparently.  Typos and grammar errors abound!  Yes, abound!

By the time I get a paper, I have already seen or had the opportunity to see on the web site at least 50% of what is printed .  The paper sometimes seems to try to be slow so I have to go to AL.COM to get updates on stories.

Example: there was a story in a Wednesday morning paper about a spectacular accident the previous Sunday--SUNDAY--in Birmingham's eastern section in which a car ended up inside a store.  The story cryptically told us the driver "appeared to be injured and was taken away by ambulance."  There was no name, no condition of the victim, no mention of how the accident happened.  Just a picture.  Surely between Sunday and deadline Tuesday night, somebody could have followed up!

And sports scores.  Deadline must be about sunset.  If Alabama or Auburn play a game that ends after about 9 PM, forget about seeing a story or, usually, a score in a paper the next day.

Now to AL.COM.  What a mess!  I know user interface is subjective.  And this subject hates AL.COM.

First, it is about the most cluttered site out there, with all those peel-downs and dancing ads.  When I make my first visit there each day, it takes my computer a good 30 seconds just to bring up the page.  But even more disconcerting is the fact that it locks the whole thing up for that entire half minute as it flings untold scores of tracking cookies and junk onto my hard drive.  And before you say to upgrade my machine or web connection, let me make it clear that this is the ONLY web site I ever visit that treats me this way.

Try finding what you want to see on AL.COM.  Yes, I could probably personalize it some and filter out some of the out-of-town stuff.  But then I don't know what I'm missing.  Use the "Search" feature.  I may as well be typing in URLs at random.  If I get results, I could still be searching for hours, scrolling through miles and miles of totally unrelated and cryptic headlines, just to find the one I was looking for.  And I still have to click on it to see if it even  remotely resembles what I was looking for.

Forget following links that show up in the printed paper.  They are often wrong or take you to a general page on which you still have to scroll and scroll to find what you want.  Example: they do a neat little music feature in which a local artist or band records a video in a little travel trailer parked  behind a local club.  The paper does a short article on the group and refers you to AL.COM/entertainment to watch the video.  I swear that is the URL in its entirety.  Good damn luck!  Every time I've tried to find the video, I still end up having to search for the band by name, and that often takes me far, far afield from the video I'm seeking.

Those email updates.  OK, at their urging, I subscribed to a series of emails with links to updated stories on AL.COM.  First thing I noticed was that they often had the same story linked in both the left and right columns of the email.  Trying to make it look as if there is more content than there actually is?  That's my guess.  (Hey, the printed paper even does this.  They still have those huge weird-looking blank white spaces at the bottoms of pages that could hold at least one more story and picture...if they had one.)

The links from the emails usually work, thank goodness, so I can at least find the stories. Quite often, they are poorly edited and sometimes go days without being updated.  But why send me a link to the morning traffic update...at 9:10 AM?!?  That's when I receive that one each day.  That wreck on Highway 280 at 6:20 AM is almost certainly gone by then.

Sports?  You really need to watch some of their sports videos.  Most appear to have been done with a cell phone.  Their features on things like recruiting or spring practice, with a "host" and a couple of guest "journalists" are the most amateurish productions you will ever see.  So are their audio podcasts.  Frankly, they are unwatchable and unlistenable and rarely informative.  That is especially the case when there are feeble attempts at humor.  These seem more like high school media students' work, not that of competent, professional journalists.  And certainly not those adept at audio and video.  Maybe they are high school or college students.  I don't know.

Okay, I'm getting nit-picky now, I guess, so I'll quit.  But despite Mr. Wendt's gushing update, I'm afraid that this one media observer/subscriber is not nearly as happy with how things are going as he and his company apparently are.  Maybe they are trying their best.  Maybe it will improve.  But man, it has to.  Could it be the simple fact that we have no other newspaper choice be the reason business is so good?  And that they are so gosh-darned happy about their early results?

(PS: I know and you know a lot of people lost their jobs in this transition.  Yet almost immediately, a big ad starting appearing in the Classifieds under "Employment" saying "We are hiring!"  It's easy to see it since classified ads have almost disappeared from the printed paper.  Yet, if you go the site they direct you to, there are practically no jobs listed as being open.  At least that was the case last time I went there.  What's the purpose of advertising jobs that don't exist?  Are we supposed to think, "Wow, these guys are doing great if they are continually hiring new folks?"  I dunno.  Maybe Mr. Wendt can explain that.  Or maybe the same folks do their employment pages that do the rest of AL.COM and I have to jump through some other hoops to see open positions.  No thanks.  My hoop-jumping days are over.)

Self-pleasuring at its purest

By Don Keith N4KC

Well, if that post heading doesn't get your attention, nothing will!  I'm back, once again poking fun at the folks at INSIDE RADIO, one of those trade email pubs that caters to radio broadcasters.  They seem on a mission to find any tidbits of good news they can report, or slivers of bad news they can spin positively, all about the medium of over-the-air radio.  Here's the headline that caught my eye this week:

Survey: Traditional media still tops for reach

My first reaction:  "Well, whoop-de-do!"

This one falls into the "So, Mrs. Lincoln, otherwise how did you enjoy the play?" category.  Look, advertisers and marketers know that sometimes there is still value in reaching as many people as you can with your message.  That is especially true if you're advertising the BRAND and seeking plain, old-fashioned awareness.  Or if your product or service is geared to every-damn-body with a pulse.  Then yeah, reach and its cousin, frequency, mean something.

On the other hand, advertisers and marketers in the 20-teens are more interested in reaching potential customers, and doing so more efficiently, effectively and measurably than ever before in history.  And despite INSIDE RADIO's attempt at feel-good self-pleasuring, people who sell goods and services have the mechanism to do it now. That means search, pay-per-lead, pay-per-click, SEO, social media, smartphones, and exotic terms that scream for what broadcast radio insists on calling "non-traditional media."  It's not even necessarily social media, though that can certainly be a part of it.

Shoot, my old college alma mater changed the name of their "communications" school from "Broadcast and Film Communication" (what it was when I was there before the Internet was a gleam in Al Goes's eye)  to several other things before settling on "Telecommunications and Film" a long time ago.  Telecommunications!  No mention of radio, TV, magazines, newspaper.  When academia leads industry, industry is moving way, way too slowly.

Radio, TV and newspapers--in their traditional blast-to-the-masses form--can never be as efficient or as measurable in reaching somebody who is searching Google for which specific Toyota model and accessories they want and which dealership has the best deal on one.  Wonder why you see fewer car dealer ads in the newspaper?  And, believe it or not, fewer on radio and TV.

Not when that potential Toyota buyer can hone right in on what he/she wants to see, build the car on-line right down to carpet color, compare all dealers' stock, pricing, financing and more, see reviews of dealerships and cars by actual customers, have other makes and models suggested, get ads served anytime he/she is online looking at other stuff that encourages the searcher to look at something new from Toyota, a competing brand, or a dealer, all specifically targeted to where and at what that person has been looking, and a bunch of other info only the web knows about him/her.  And sign up for a text when a specifically-equipped car comes in or there's a special price or financing deal available.  Plus, the dealer likely doesn't pay a dime for all the advertising unless someone who is a prospect clicks on something or signs up for something.

Try doing all that in a 30-second ad in a five-minute spot break between a bunch of "the most and best music with fewer commercials" on Q97.4...even if that potential Toyota customer is part of that station's marvelous "reach."  And only charge the advertiser for the ad if someone actually calls up the dealership.  Or charge a bit more if that person test drives a car.

You want to see a radio station owner's heart stop, mention that sort of sacrilege in his presence.  No, they prefer self-pleasuring.  Look how great and effective we were as an advertising medium in 1972.  Hell, look at our reach!

In case you didn't click on the link from the headline above, here's the gist of the article:

Digital may be the darling of Madison Avenue, but at least for the time being traditional media is still the best way to reach Americans.  A survey by KPMG International shows television and radio score best for reach.  The study found 74% of those surveyed reported listening to radio in the previous month, and 88% said they’d watched television.

Let me do some coaching from the bleachers and tear this paragraph apart.  First, digital is not necessarily the darling of Madison Avenue.  At least not just yet.  Many advertising agencies--and especially those in mid-size markets--are still too lazy or simply don't understand digital/search and continue to buy radio and TV the way they have for almost a century.  Why?  Reach is one.  Big numbers--like 74% or 88%--impress advertisers.  But the main reason is that it is easy.  They can show a client that they bought 150 gross rating points for $100 per point with women 25-44.

Whoop-de-do!

That means they are plugging numbers into a computer program and negotiating with the stations to hit some arbitrary reach, frequency and cost per 1% of people watching TV.  Or percent of people listening to radio.  Based on "estimates" of audience purchased from Nielsen or Arbitron.

Self pleasuring!  And they do this while doing less than an efficient job of helping the client move widgets in the stores.  Media buying is a science, they say.  Use the numbers.  Make clever ads.  Show the client how many awards you have won.  Then go drum up another client when that one somehow fails to sell any widgets regardless the reach and frequency the computer showed he got.

How many of those 1% of people watching TV are planning on buying a car?  Shopping for a Camry?  Narrowing choices to the two dealers with the best deal using the web or a smartphone app?

And those "impressive" numbers from KPMG's survey?  In the last month, 74% of respondents listened to the radio and 88% watched TV.  I'm shocked it was not 100% for each.  Is there anyone who doesn't flip on a radio or TV sometime during a month?  Who did KPMG survey here?  Cave dwellers?  An Amish enclave in Ohio?

The INSIDE RADIO article quotes another survey--in an effort to be balanced, perhaps--that marketers will put considerably less focus on radio, TV and print this year.  And they end the article with the shocking pronouncement:

Marketers say they’ll spend more time figuring out how to make online, mobile, and social media work for them.

Well, welcome to 2013!  Did these duds who responded to the survey go to sleep in 1990 with the alarm set for the 21st century?

It's time somebody in media stepped up and broke some rules.  They'll take some knocks and get bruised, but that will be the only way for them to survive rapid technological change that has changed everything these guys know.  And no amount of "wow, look how many eyes and ears we reach!" will pull them out of the morass they have waded into blindly.

I call that self-pleasuring.  Whoop-de-do!